The Victoria Jackson Principle*

There's a reason I don't necessarily follow trending news- most of it is annoying and pisses me off. Consequently, I'm generally late to the party on the newest viral videos or what Charlie Sheen said today, and I'm okay with that. Yesterday, though, I clicked...

Holy Victoria Fucking Jackson. Talk about demons. Am I seriously qualifying Victoria Jackson enough of a demon to merit her own demon blog post? Fuckin' A. With her ignorance, press, and Tea Party backing (not to mention the huge hair bows and the voice) she's scarier than Satan.

I'd seen tweets and updates on the former SNL star "blasting" Glee for days-  It wasn't until I saw that she objected specifically to The Kiss that curiosity won, and I checked out the whole story because I really liked The Kiss.

The Kiss of course refers to the latest gay kiss milestone- or not... is it even a milestone anymore to show a good gay kiss on primetime? I hope not- regardless, I didn't hear about The Kiss beforehand and was surprised and thrilled to see it finally happen. NOT because it was another milestone but because Kurt likes Blaine soooooooooo much and Blaine finally saw the great love that's been before his eyes all season! I squealed through my happy tears and sighed- The Kiss was effing hot and GO KURT for getting the perfect first kiss scenario every teenager dreams about (yes, I believe, even you straight boys.).

So when I heard Victoria Jackson shit all over my own teenage dream, my first reaction was to get FIRED UP. My inner Dixie Carter sounded something like, "Are-you-fucking-kidding-me-how-dare-she-spout-hatred-and-intolerance-I'll-shove-the-gay-thing-down-her-throat-and-if-Muslims-kill-gays-they-can't-be-any-worse-than-the-Christians-who-do-the-same-she's-batshit-I-hate-her..." And so on, until I realized exactly what I'd thought:

"I hate her."

What? I don't hate (unless its related to vomiting.). I don't even believe in hate. In my spiritual practice, I subscribe to only love, unity, peace, creativity... you know, the good shit. Hate doesn't exist in my world (except for vomit), but fear does. And then I realized- she's afraid. Jackson's understanding of what's right and good is so tiny that anything outside her grain of sand-sized definition scares the shit out of her.

Okay, whatever... understanding washed over me and the veins in my forehead relaxed... and then bulged again-

She waved the Bible around. It absolutely galls me how much hatred and judgement people get away with by playing the Bible card. The Bible is just a big book of stories with a huge reputation. I believe the Bible is as divinely inspired as EVERY OTHER WORK OF ART from the Qur'an to Mona Lisa to Beethoven's 5th Symphony. By that reasoning, Jackson may as well be waving around a DVD of "All in the Family" and spouting her beliefs in white supremacy- that's how seriously I take her citing the Bible.

Jackson dressing up her ignorance and judgement with crucifixes and scripture doesn't hide what it is, just like Palin's poor pig in lipstick or Pretty Woman in shoulder pads and diamonds. The pig will always be smart and tasty, and Pretty Woman will always be Julia Roberts (until they remake it with Megan Fox or some nauseating shit). And ignorance and judgement will always be dangerous, polarizing, a defense mechanism for terrified people and a waste of time and energy.

We're all one: God and love and gays and pigs and Palin and Pretty Woman and-

Sigh... dammit... yes, even crazy Victoria Jackson's judgemental ass. And my judgemental ass.

I'm willing to accept we're guilty of the same snap judgement, but the difference is this: I can open my mind to consider her fear (of absolutely nothing) but she either can't or doesn't want to extend the same courtesy to those she sees as different. Jackson revels in ignorance- and if the only positive that comes from listening to her and other like-minded homophobes and fear-mongers is that the rest of us get even more sensitive, tolerant and open-minded-

Well then, that's actually pretty spectacular, isn't it?




*As a child of the 80's I couldn't resist alluding to Victoria Principal, Pam Ewing of "Dallas" fame. Just so you don't get confused, Principal is the beautiful brunette actress, entrepreneur and environmentalist. Jackson is the blond in the big hair bows.

~Thanks to Victoria Jackson for being outspoken and batshit crazy.

Could it be... SATAN?!?!

Oh yeah, I'm going there. No more dancing around with Boys' Town glam-demons and infernal middle management. I'm profiling the baddest of the bad, the star of Hell... SATAN.

Why? Because I'm dealing with my own personal Goliath demon: The Judge.

The Judge sits heavy on my heart like cancer. He's silent, unlike his cohort Igor- I imagine Igor is to The Judge as Chester is to Spike (and I never reference a link, but in this scenario, I'm definitely Sylvester.) The Judge doesn't have to do much- he just has to radiate his tsunami waves of disapproval as he arches a questioning brow and I stutter, backpedal, and mentally pummel myself. Then, the What-Ifs descend in a cloud that blocks out all sunlight while Igor berates me, and I go blind and crazy. It's ugly.

The antidote? Perspective and angels in the form of great friends who love you unconditionally.

Enough about The Judge, you all get it. So without further ado... IN THIS CORNERRR... SATANNNNN*.

First off, "Satan" is derived from a Hebrew word meaning "the adversary" and morphed from a function in the Old Testament into a proper name by the time the New Testament came around. Throughout the Old Testament, generally Satan is "the adversary" that tests faith- usually doing so by the Lord's command. In the New Testament, Satan graduates to Lord of Demons and God's arch enemy. Ensuing demonology supports Satan's evolution into the leader of all devils whose mission is to torture and tempt humans. In these accounts, Satan is an equal part of a gruesome foursome made of itself, Lucifer, Beelzebub (or Leviathan, depending on the text), and Belial (all of whom at some time/tradition or another were the big boss) who oversee all other demons.

So there. Honestly, I'd shied away from even reading the Satan entry until now because, as cheeky as I am about my other demon buddies, I was raised Catholic and went to church every Sunday for a loooooong time. That stuff sticks. However, dealing with The Judge these last few days, I knew there was no match for him but Satan itself. (And frankly, I think The Judge is still scarier.)

As an aside, I feel the need to cleanse my pallet after all the Fox News BS I sifted through for links. Penguins, joy, unity, kittens, Muppets, love, dancing, and cheese... that oughta do it.

*My apologies for The Church Lady scratch. I couldn't help myself.
~Thanks to "Dictionary of Demons: Names of the Damned" by Michelle Belanger. Llewellyn Publications, 2010