"I may feel like death, I don't have to look like it."

 ...I say because I’m wearing a full face of make-up for the first time in at least 6 months. Except

A rare glimpse of my inner monologue

lipstick! Of course! We’re in a global pandemic and thus have to mask! lolololol life is beautiful anyway. 

THURSDAY, JAN 27
Oh, wow, y’all. If you’re going to move your travel blog to a whole different platform, learn the platform before you travel or you’ll spend large blocks of hours learning your blog instead of doing the things you want to write about later. Or just give up. I’ve done both. Life is short and its also painful so why make it worse by not YOLOing.
Yeah. I’m on the YOLO train! I’m a decade late, but it’s helping me stay in denial about the things I’m trying to escape from real life so YYYYOOOOOOLLLLLOOOOOOO!
Let’s get back on track to highlights since I’m so far behind in my own life, ain’t nobody got the time or the attention span for full stories, hahahahahahawhyamIcodeswitching?

Flashback to Saturday and Sunday…
JETLAG: Holy shit. I got about three hours sleep. I’ve survived on less, but not often (I love sleeping.) and rarely when my body clock is six hours behind. (I love sleeping.) I’m a zombie but force myself up, throw myself across my bedroom to open my blinds to activate my ocular nerve blah, blah to stimulate my circadian rhythm or something I googled while I wished I was sleeping a few hours prior (I love sleeping.), and drag myself into the shower. It feels great. I feel terrible. I take a 15 minute walk to keep from sleeping standing up (I love sleeping.) and when I get home Stella suggests walking through Hyde Park to meet our friend.
Walking in the brisk air invigorates me and makes me feel alive! (Mostly. I love sleeping.) I’m energized around my friends (to like 80%. I love sleeping.) but when I’m not walking or talking I slip into a thick haze and my body gets heavy. (I love sleeping.) Later that night, when it’s midday in the states, Stella and I are binging Yellowjackets and she asks, “Another one?” To which I reply, “YES! I’m wide awake!” and pass out 15 minutes later. (I love sleep.)
That night, all of my brutal circadian rhythm training pays off and I actually, mostly, sleep. It’s not great sleep, but I love sleeping and I’ll take what I can get.

Diane Sabbatini and I ordered the same mocktail!

FRIENDS: One of the coolest things about being in London is all the friends who are also here working! One of whom is our friend Diane Sabbatini, a legend with one of my favorite names on the whole planet. We meet for pho at Pho Soho, one of Diane Sabbatini’s fav spots here, and now one of mine. The food is amazing because Diane Sabbatini has awesome taste. And? Diane Sabbatini’s hotel (The Ham Yard Hotel) has a bowling alley in the basement! Cuz thats how Diane Sabbatini rolls. Its booked for the night (I can’t believe they would play Diane Sabbatini and her friends like that.) but we have maybe plans to try it this coming weekend. Diane Sabbatini also has jet lag and tickets to Cabaret, the most coveted show in London right now (because she is Diane fucking Sabbatini. Obviously.) so Stella and I leave Diane Sabbatini alone until next weekend. (I didn't mention her stunning hat, purse, and outfit but picture what you think a Diane Sabbatini would wear and it’s better. And the leather is softer.)

And the truth is Yellowjackets is slop.

YELLOWJACKETS: Can we talk about this show? Stella and I hate it. HATE. ITTTTT. HAAAATE IT. Why are all of you freaking out about it? What genius is doing the PR for this show bc they deserve a raise. I love Melanie Lynskey, Juliette Lewis and Christina Ricci as much as the rest of you nerds, and I love a 90’s soundtrack like it’s my teddy bear, but those two perks don’t equal a good show. I can feel the writers’ hands. The dialogue is embarrassing. It’s shot poorly. And the whole mess is just sloppy. WHY ARE THEIR WHITES SO WHITE AND THEIR SHORTS SO PRESSED AFTER BEING STRANDED FOR WEEKS IN THE MOUNTAINS? I know these people watched Lost. Take notes! We gave up after watching 5 episodes because life is too short and Juliette and Christina shouldn't have to drag this carcass show for us.
CAMDEN MARKET: Sunday, Stella and I meet two of her friends and spend the day at the Camden Market, or Shopping Heaven. I hate shopping, but I love it with Stella. Stella’s friends are boys so they walk in and out of clothing stalls we could have spent 30 minutes in. We buzz through all the market has to offer in record time, and when the boys take off Stella and I retrace our footsteps to the best of the bunch. The clothing vibe is vintage, boutique, and a healthy dose of steam-punk. Lots of oooos and ahs! from us.
The food stalls at the Camden Market are no joke. It’s every kind of food you can think of, and also the best and hottest version of it. I don’t know how the UK gets their food so hot, but it’s the most comforting feeling. Every time I come here, eating their version of hot food makes me feel so much better about my life choices. Stella and I eat salted brisket on a soft bagel and share some loaded, dirty cheese fries. 

Cheezin' for salted beef

A short about “Why this food choice?” when I could have chosen from a literal food version of It’s a Small World After All: in Feb 2004 Stella and I were in London with some movie besties. On Valentine’s Day we went bar hopping and at 4am our local guide took us to have salted brisket on a bagel with spicy mustard. He insisted we all order it whether we wanted to or not. It was the best sandwich any of us ever had. So good that almost 18 years later it won the Camden Market, It’s a Small World Food Stall Sweepstakes. The idea was there, but mustard wasn’t hot enough and I wanted the beef to be wetter. Stay tuned to see if we can find any more versions of this legendary sandwich that match the perfection of the original version 6 drunk women inhaled near Tower (or maybe London) Bridge on a Valentine’s bar hop.
Other food highlights: the cheese fries far outshine the bagel. WOW. I double fist a mango lassi and a chai tea and another WOW. Stella’s friend Dixon has a slice of cheese cake. MMM traditional, yum.  

Pre-historic Twitter

CAMDEN: Amy Winehouse is from Camden so there are tributes to her all over the place. The area is a grungy, hipster hangout with a healthy dose of touristy junk. I'm not making it sound great somehow, bc we absolutely love the vibe. There are "British characters" - punky punks, redcoats - that will take pictures with you for a pound. I love the Redcoat, in particular. At one point a gentleman with a bullhorn starts yelling anti- ...sex? ...children? ...population growth? I can't really tell, but he starts endorsing people demanding reparations from their parents because "YOU DIDN'T ASK TO BE BORN!!" ...Have I been listening too long, or is this man actually starting to make sense...? The Redcoat mocks the Anti-Birth man, the public snickers, and we witness what Twitter would look like in the flesh.

Cashmere makes outside pints possible

 

CASHMERE: I’ve been teased in the past for being fancy because I like cashmere. I hate the word fancy. Liking cashmere doesn’t make me fancy, it makes me smart. To this point: the weather hasn’t been over 48 degrees since I arrived in London. I spent the better part of the weekend outside and never once felt cold. Or bulky. Or hot and sweaty from too many layers. Because I layer my cashmere sweaters and cashmere socks in with my cottons, and cover the whole thing with my down coat, I’m warm and my body and clothing can breathe. All this to say, I’m verrrrry proud of myself for packing and dressing so well. I’m fucking stunned when I do anything right, so this is a HUGE win for me.

Highlights from Monday & Tuesday…
Stella works all day so I get to write all day in our perfect flat, minus a couple quick trips to the library for a change of scenery and the grocery store for something that wasn’t lentils. I ate from my pot of lentils for 5 days in a row. I’m over lentils.
Did I mention I was using this trip as an artist retreat to write and nourish my soul? It feels so good to have nothing else to do but write and explore. And spend 3-4 hours a night trying and failing to upload my first blog. If you’re reading this, I succeeded. ***No, I didn't. I gave up and came back to Blogger because, who cares?***

I'm so used to seeing American flags everywhere in the US, that I was momentarily confused at this sight

Cryptocurrency bros brought their boring white flags to represent at an anti-vaccine-mandate march

Pho Soho KILLING their rice bowl game too!

We DO love Camden!!

Love these ponies! They're all throughout the market

 

 

 

Camden is a bizzy bitsch

Word.

I DO have a talent!!

Scream 4-ever

Amy Winehouse memorial

Safely riding the tube

Only most of the time

"2021, 2022, whatever it is..."

...said my friend Hayley, and isn't that just the vibe of the world right now?

Call Me Daffy

Thursday, Jan 20

Y'all. It's been a while since I've traveled, so it's been a while since I blogged. I'm vaxxed, boosted, N-95'd, and ready to party... !!!!!!! ...Did that sound okay? I haven't been around people-- oh God. I think the Austin Airport is having a fire drill? Or a bombscare? Or an active shooter? What does it mean when an ear-splitting alarm and flashing lights go off at the Taco Deli but no one seems to notice but you…?

In an effort to upgrade my blog (EEE!EEE!EEE!…EEE!EEE!EEE!...I'm going deaf, I wish I could record this, but then you'd go deaf too- OH! Relative silence! THANK GOD, THE ALARM STOPPED.) I sucked the whole DemonSauce shebang onto Wordpress because I did 4 minutes of research and learned it was easy to use. It's not, actually. Reading or watching tutorials isn't as much fun as clicking random things and getting nowhere, so I'm still nowhere but I wanna blog my trip so Welcome! to my dry and incoherent blog-ish, web?site? I'm happy you're here! ***I couldn't figure WordPress out so here I am back at Blogger. As shitty as you are, Blogger, I don't have time to break in a new program and teach it the way I like things, so welcome back, baby.***

I'm happy I'm here! It means I'm traveling! This time its to London to stay with Stella. "Is this a rerun?," longtime readers may wonder. It's not! That was in 2017 when we were all naive and healthy little Sarah Conners. Now its 2022 and we've been weathered by Hell, our flowing manes haven’t had a regular shampoo in a couple years, and we've got hair-trigger anxiety attacks. We are now SARAH FUCKING CONNER. Weary, ready, eyez on the prize. My prize? Seeing Heathers: The Musical off The West End in London.

 

It's a new dawn. It's a new day.

Monday, Jan 24
How cute that I was so bloggy excited! Jet lag deflated that balloon for the last few days, but I’m (crossing fingers) feeling (knocking wood) pretty (wishing on a star) okay (sign of the cross) now. (Praying.)

Flashback to Thursday’s flying highlights:
FLIGHT: As vulnerable as you will feel, I HIGHLY recommend flying during a pandemic. On every flight I’ve taken since March 2020, if I haven’t had an empty seat next to me, I’ve had the whole row to myself. These flights were no exception. The flights were 1/4 - 1/3 full which left row upon row of seats for me to stretch out on like the masked and sweaty queen I am.
MASK: The N95 mask my partner got me was medical grade with plastic around the edges to fully encase my nose and mouth. It made me look like Howard the Duck and I loved it. Sure I was sweating under the plastic, but I wasn’t breathing in anything bad other than my breath. And even that wasn’t terrible. You know how the smell of your own farts can be pleasing in a very specific way? My minestrone soup and garlic bread breath was like that.
BATHROOM: The first time I went to the bathroom on my flight fm JFK to London, I was pleased to find the bathroom was bigger than I was used to and the water was scorching hot because these are the tiny miracle gifts you get when you fly economy on an international flight. Suddenly, finally, it sank in: I’m flying to one of my favorite cities in the world so spend a few weeks with my best of best best friends! I had to dance! It was so fun, I bathroom-dance-partied every time I saw a toilet for the next day or so. HIGHLY RECOMMEND.
SMARTYPANTS: My flight from JFK to London was a red-eye. Normally I’m a SUPERFAN of airplane food. Instead of staying awake long enough to eat the meal I’d spent full precious minutes of my life researching online (Should order an Asian Vegetarian Meal or one of the religious diet meals…? Or no, bc what if its just rice?) I smugly stretched out across an aisle I wasn’t assigned to and made 53 adjustments before I counted sheep over and over… I woke up after a couple hours of bad sleep to see it was 8am London time. I’d done it! I started my jet lag transition early because I’m A Smart Traveler ;)

Friday highlights:
JOHN: I found Stella’s driver waiting for me outside of baggage with a sign and everything. I love an airport sign. It makes me feel real special. John was so awesome! We chatted the 45 minute ride into London. He showed me Robbie Williams’ house and Robert Plant’s house. (They’re neighbors! It’s cute.)
THE FLAT: Stella and I have been lucky enough to travel and stay in flats in many countries and her current home is my absolute favorite. Its decorated in the perfect mix of both our personalities. Irreverence, beauty, clean lines, boho textiles, the female form in all different shapes and sizes, bold colors and books for days, all about art and politics. I’m in home love.
STELLA!!!!!!: OH, its so good to be with my friend. I’ve missed her so much!

See ya later, America.

JET LAG: Determined to not have a repeat of my last London experience where jet lag just killed me, I took walks, went grocery shopping, got a Covid test, and made a huge pot of lentils to stay awake. It worked! I was incoherent, but awake. Then I hallucinated that Today Tix had cancelled the tickets I got us for Pride & Prejudice the following weekend. I bought another set of tickets. I figured out that TodayTix cancelled another show (& Juliet for which I also bought another ticket). I realized I now own 2 sets of P&P tickets for the same night and I was time to go to sleep.
I dropped dead in my bed at 10:45.
I woke up at midnight.
I watched an episode of Maid. (Anyone else watching this? It is excruciating. I like it, but JESUS.) I turned off everything, determined to lay in the dark until I fell asleep because blue light and all that. I googled tips for jet lag. (Tip #4, stay off your phone before bed.) Lights out. I had a short talk with the potential ghost that was making my bed shift at random intervals, and respectfully notified it that I was staying for almost 3 weeks so… let’s be good roommates. I DM’d a friend I want to see on this trip. Lights out. For real this time. I thought about my life. I started to cry. My decisions. My career. The two extra tickets to Pride & Prejudice that I need to sell. I cried harder. I couldn't stop. This went on for a while. I went to the bathroom and started my period at that exact moment. I think I said out loud, “Oh, hello.” I stopped trying to fall asleep and instead turned to the one thing that always makes me feel better: my partner. I FaceTimed Chris and I don’t remember what we talked about, but after a while he let me go bc I was drifting off. I looked at the time: 415a. Wide awake again…