"Look, he's licking his butt..."

...says Karam, my new son/boyfriend, and shoves his stuffed penguin's face in its crotch. I can't wait to tell this story, but first...

I wake up after ten deep, uninterrupted hours of sleep. No more jet lag! I'm cured! I better be cured. 

gorgeous things like this just hanging around
the city like it's no big deal

I take my time getting out of bed because it's cold. Really cold. I-used-my-Northface-as-blanket cold. Sidebar: Thank
God for my Northface. I could never imagine spending hundreds of dollars on a coat (Texas girl) until I was depressed and miserably cold enough on a job in Alaska to treat myself. Once the temperature dips into the 40s this coat becomes my second skin. I bow down to my Northface. 

My Rick Steves' book has a little Urban Hikes section, and I decide to hike to Arthur's Seat in Holyrood Park. Arthur's Seat is a vent of the 350 million year old volcano that is responsible for Edinburgh's existence. (Edinburgh Castle is perched atop another vent of the same volcano.) Steves' description of the hike is moderately strenuous- "for People," is my attitude. Not me. I'm active, I kickbox, and hiking is a low demand sport. 

When I get to the park I see people walking up a steep grade. I know the other way up is supposed to be easy, so obviously I follow the people up the steep grade because I'm me, and if it's not the harder way, it doesn't count. 

This hike is no joke. The first time I stop my heart is pummeling my chest, trying to escape it's cage. I'm walking fast because it's the only way I know how to walk, and I notice a little boy walking with me. At first I think he's mistaken me for his mother, but he keeps waiting for me to catch up to him and then darts away so that he's always ahead of me. I've done this. It's racing against an unwitting opponent.

Panorama mid-hike. Eddie Munster beating me on the left.

His look reminds me of Eddie Munster. I decide Eddie is probably my son in another dimension based on nothing but his brown hair and quick feet. I chat with him a bit and find out he's from Canada, that he's very fast and that he's winning and I'm losing. I check behind me and his mom and sister are so far behind us, we lose sight of them off and on. I hope she doesn't think the weird single lady is trying to steal her kid, but at the same time I don't want to leave Eddie alone. 

They finally catch up with us and she thanks me for looking after him. We go our own ways. But we're all heading the same place, and I run into them again at the summit.

Arthur's Seat, on top of the world

By the way, this whole hike is waaaaaaay harder than I was prepared for. By the time I've reached the summit I've scaled rocks and burned out my thighs. PS it's gale force winds in 50 degree weather. I'm moving so I'm warm everywhere except my hands and face which is getting stiff and chapped. At Arthur's Seat you know what the wind does? It tries to kill you by whipping you around the peak of a volcano. PPS The view is breath-taking. But so cold.

Rollin', rollin', rollin'

I finally officially introduce myself to the family and they are all effing adorable. I forget the mom's name the instant she says it but she's from Israel, she learned English 2 years ago, and has been traveling with the kids for months. Bital is the little girl, I'd guess 7 years old, and Karam is my 6 year old Eddie Munster fake son. We walk down the long way down together which takes us well over an hour. At one point the hill gets steep again and grassy- steep and grassy enough for the kids to log roll down. I can't help myself and I join them until I get dizzy. We laugh and laugh, and this is the highlight of my trip so far. 

 I fall in love with Karam. He speaks non-stop and when he's not telling stories, he's asking questions. Examples: Why do you smile all the time? How old are you? Do you have a husband? (To this one his mother says, "Why, do you want to marry her?" "NOOOooooo!" Karam yells. Me thinks he doth protest too much...) Do you have children? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you know what my penguin's name is? What are you doing today? Where do you live? Can we stay with you in London? Will you stay with us tonight? Do you want to know what I wish?

Karam & Bital & a new puppy friend

The answer to his last question: "I wished I made a big friend to play with me and it came true because it's you." 

I almost kidnap him right then and there. We discuss how I might find a shrinking machine to get him small enough to keep in my pocket and he says he's going to trap me and take me home with them. I have no idea what his mother thought of our love affair, but she kept taking videos of us. I assume she was either cool with it or she was gathering evidence so when Karam disappears she has something to show the cops. 

Saying goodbye to my new friends was sad, but I wanted to leave things on a high note. We had big hugs before we parted ways. As I walk away I imagine when I turn around I'll see Karam watching me leave and we'll have one last wave. I turn around. He is playing with his stuffed penguin, having already moved on. 

My whole "urban hiking" experience is over three hours in the freezing wind. I enjoy the hell out of the spaghetti bolognese I have for lunch and stop in a pub to write for a bit before my next thing. The pub is called Brass Monkey, and my bartender last night recommended it to me because I told him I liked cider. I love this place. It's warm, the bartender is a love, and the music is good 80's, not overplayed 80's. 

Brass Monkey chill

My next thing is a Ghostly Underground Tour that takes us down into the haunted vaults under the city. It's effectively scary (real history, proven spooks, and a couple of legit weird unexplained noises) and so much fun I almost buy another tour to do immediately after- but I don't for some reason and now I'm trying not to regret it. Boo. 

I get lost for the 126th time as I try to find a particular pub for dinner. I'm convinced there are rips in the space time/space continuum in Edinburgh because I'll swear I'm on the West end of town and suddenly I'll be dead center at the train station. Or the map says a street is supposed to be a block away, but somehow I miss it and next time I walk down the same road, there's the street! There are different street levels, stairs that go who knows where and curvy roads and "ways". I could get lost in a one road town on a good day, so Edinburgh is like a Mensa challenge for me. 

On my way to the pub I somehow find base camp for Avengers 3 and it makes me miss production a little. Then I hear they're wrapping at 6am and I get over my nostalgia. 

I can't believe I leave tomorrow. Poor planning McGee, that's me.