"I'd Magic Mike the shit outta those pants..."

1st bestie night at Flinders!

...actually came out of Stella's mouth at dinner about something somewhere sometime. Instant classic.

So I'm home. It sucks.

1st view of Bondi

I'm at a phase in my relationship with LA that I get to in most of my long term relationships- bored and bugged. This did not make it any easier to leave Sydney- but I did, in spite of everyone I knew in Sydney encouraging me to do the opposite.

"You should stay!"
"Why don't you change your ticket?"
"Just move here already."

The only text I had when I landed at LAX?
"You should have stayed."


sleepy Hal



Sydney Football Stadium

The truth is I would have stayed until Stella's movie was over and I was forced to return, but I've already committed to writing and living in New York until Thanksgiving. Yeah, I can write anywhere, but I can only live in New York in New York and since that's been a dream of mine for years and years, I'm insanely looking forward to it.

Its the necessary gap-week in LA that's a bummer. My only consolation is I'm making super valuable use of my time here to get what's left of my life together and organized, since I left with everything half-finished three weeks ago including my job. Whine. Whatever.


this is how you know its
a good hostel

Anyway when I travel I like to reflect on stuff along the way and after the fact, so here's what I got:

- I stink in Australia. I never went through the BO phase when I was growing up, so (overshare alert) deodorant isn't a given automatic for me. I forget all the time. I don't know if it was the climate or the chemistry of the air or that I'm finally going through the last phase of puberty, but I got to smelling homeless-minus-the-pee often. I now try to be better about remembering deods, just in case it is a late bloomer thing (awesome.).

a night at Circular Quay

- If the UK is the middle-aged parent and the US is the snotty teenager, Australia is the badass nine-year-old. Young enough to be fearless and savor everything, not too young so that you can't relate. Old enough to be aware, but not old enough to have attitude. People here throw themselves into life with enthusiasm for everything- drinking til it counts, dancing til it hurts and connecting like it matters (Hey LA, it does.).
There is a lack of self-consciousness that makes everyone here drop dead sexy. One of my favorite things about our favorite bar (yay Flinders!) was the dance floor. It was a mess of goofy dancing, making out, sloshing drinks, taking pictures, shouting conversations, more wild dancing, more kissing, and more wet clothes all to obscure oldies and rap. It was Heaven. It was Australia.


still my fav morning in Australia

- I love drugs. Ambien to be specific. It works so well. It's the best pill since, well, The Pill.

- Australian guys are the most charming men on the planet. Like, movie charming. Like, it sounds like bullshit except you keep talking to them and actually find them to be genuinely nice. They have game for miles and it's not just the accent. Never once did I feel a bored LA hipster vibe or a bored industry vibe. Men approached us all the time. Men talked to us all the time. Men danced with us all the time.
I'd actually like to arrange an exchange program between LA & Sydney-- we get hot, charming Aussie men and our guys can have the gorgeous, kickass Aussie women (because they are. And nice, unless they're dancing. Then they hit you with their giant purses). Everyone wins!

- People here care about who you are, not what you do. When I talked to people, it wasn't until deep into the conversation, if at all, that my job came up.

hell yeah, Sydney

- I've mentioned the trust thing before. Australia is like my parents in this sense- they always trusted me to make the right decisions and behave myself so I had few written-in-stone rules. I'm not sure, but I feel like I was a better behaved kid because of it. I found example after example of that as I walked around- the weird half railing on the pier, the lack of guard rails near most bodies of water, the slot machine warnings.
Not that it's chaos, there is a definite police presence here, but they were like the cool parents at the party that walked thru twice and would rather you drink under their roof and spend the night than have you lie and sneak out and get wasted where they couldn't see you.


awesome Asian market

- To carry the My Parents Analogy one step further- the times I did misbehave (all four times- no, really FOUR times), I was jail-grounded like no other kid on the planet with no time off for good behavior (Mama, remember the time I was grounded from November to Prom of my senior year of high school? It was awesome...). I've heard its similar here.
I looked it up, and Australia's drinking and driving laws are far more strict than ours with a lower legal drunk cut-off (incidentally, .05 to our .08 with fines and license suspension minimums for a first time offender starting at our maximums)- and I can't say I disagree.

- I love grocery stores. I found myself ducking into every grocery store I could find just to browse. I don't do that in America, just foreign countries. I love all the unfamiliar food and packaging- especially because we were in Koreatown on the fringe of Chinatown, most of the markets were Asian markets therefore they had all matter of mystery veggies, mystery meat, mystery canned sodas, etc. And kimchi!


bestie & a trifle

- Stella is the best best friend in the whole world. The morning I left we hugged and cried, and I composed this long thing in my head about every way she is the best person I know and every reason I love her. I'll spare you the details- not because they're yada, yada, yada but because they're mine and I'm precious about them. Those of you who know her, know what I'm talking about.

home away from home

- I'm capable of anything. That I committed to a writing schedule I previously thought was next to impossible and accomplished my goal of completing a script in less than three weeks reminds me of that. Oh, and turned a new city inside out at the same time. Go, me!

- Homeland and kimchi are amazing together. This has nothing to do with Australia other than its the only show Stella and I watched and the only food we ever had in the house.

Until we meet again, Australia...

 

"NOOooooooooooooooooo!"

...is what I texted Stella at the bar when she sprinted after a random guy to order him to call me. Lemme back up:

Because shooting schedules suck sometimes, Stella had to work all day Saturday. I took that day to lock myself in our room and write. All day. By the time night came and Stella came home, I'd been cooped up for over 12 hours.  To say I was fried was putting it mildly. It was going to be the only night left for us to go out out but after we both worked all day I honestly didn't expect it to happen. 

perfect day

But it did. Oh, boy did it. 

The end of the night had us both drenched in sweat and other people's drinks, exhausted from laughing, dancing, flirting, laughing, and dancing. EPIC FUN!!!!! And why I love my best friend.

Sunday we had brunch with NBFFHJ staff affectionately known as the schmoopies- for 4 hours. Repeating: 4 hours of fine Italian food and bottles of wine. We really only left because we had dinner reservations in 2 hrs. We are Stellanca. We love food. 

schmoopies in Bondi

nothing better

My goodbye dinner was an oyster orgy with Jen overlooking Blackwattle Bay. Jen did the math and  figured out we ate for 6 straight hours of the 13 hours we were awake. 

In the middle of dinner, Stella looks out over the water and says, "I wonder if they'll do fireworks?", to which I reply, "REALLY, you think they will?!" (to fill you in, I love fireworks and every Saturday night so far, we've been able to see them over King's Harbor from our window. I guess it's a regular thing? So fun & beautiful, so like Sydney.) Then Stella says no which I think sucks- but not for long because just as we get our punch-me-in-the-face-delicious desserts THE FIREWORKS START.

Thank you, Sydney!

best best bestie



new bestie

i love you too, Sydney


 

 

 

"I have a girlfriend, but you girls are so beautiful!"

...said our new best friend, Whatsisname, on the dance floor last night.
After Stella & I spent the day with our friend Jen drinking sangria and walking around Darlinghurst and Surrey Hill, we all went dancing at a local fav bar called Flinders.
So the drinking age is 18 in Australia which means it feels like all ages everywhere. And I discovered 18 looks SO MUCH YOUNGER than it used to.
Now, I've been hearing about the legendary Cute/Interested/Available guy to girl ratio since my friends arrived in Sydney over 2 months ago. I'm told making out with a CIA guy every night is a given- to which I say, oh yeah? Because my bizarro little brain takes that as a challenge. You tell me its a sure thing? I will PROVE to you YOU'RE WRONG because I'm an asshole.
And prove it, I did.
I won last night by not making out with any CIA guys, and to go one further, my cockblock juju worked on my friends as well. You're welcome.
SO glad that's out of my system. Now I can make out. I may be a contrairy brat, but I'm not the enemy of fun. Making out is fun, and now that I've proven you can't make me make-out, I'm ready to make out. So there. (But I don't kiss & tell, so you'll get to fill in the blanks. I'm thinking many blanks.)
Sunday, Stella and I went to Bondi Beach to work out with the stunt guys from her movie. I love working out, I love the beach, and I love stunties so I was prepared for a good day. Good was a pitiful understatement. It was pretty much the best day ever!
It was an incredibly beautiful morning, made even moreso by the underwear model that was part of our group. One thing I'll say for Sydney: I'VE NEVER SEEN HOTTER PEOPLE EVER.
I drool over man and woman alike here, and Bondi Beach is the perfect place to do it. From the moment I arrived in Sydney, I've been blown away by the general pretty of the majority of people here- but at Bondi? It's just stupid. Tan skin, beautiful athletic bodies, perfectly tousled commercial hair, and everyone I've spoken to is either kind, funny or usually both. And cares what you have to say. (LA take notes, please.)
I almost threw up twice during our work-out with the stunties, but I got to box which made up for the ass kicking they gave me. Like a nerd, I brought my own gloves. Boxing in the sand is effing hard and effing fantastic. After our work-out Stella and I joined the guys at their beach-front apartment for breakfast. We only said "HOLY SHIT!" 77 or 78 times. The apartment was the most incredible beach front I've ever seen. The place with big, modern, comfy, hip, etc, etc (with a spare bedroom that I IMMEDIATELY claimed. I'm shy about a lot of things but not about beachfront property. Stella and I move in next weekend.), but the kicker? The thing that make me straight up yell absolute nonsense and speak in tongues? The WALL BETWEEN THE KITCHEN AND THE DECK SLID AWAY AND DISAPPEARED MAKING IT ONE MASSIVE OPEN SPACE OF OH-MY-GOD-AWESOME...
I just passed out from excitement.
Stella and I took a ridiculous amount of pictures of ourselves and the view while the men cooked for us. I decided I don't need to live in America anymore, and that Australia will make a great new home.
(Stella's idea on the way to work out this morning: "You should have an Australian baby."
Me: "Why?"
Stella: "Because then you'd get to come back all the time to visit and you'd have a place to stay."
Me: "Nah."
I revisited Stella's idea later when I met the underwear model, another couple stunt men, and got eyeful after eyeful of rippling surfers and sunbathers-- its now not the dumbest idea I've ever heard.)
We spent the rest of the afternoon at a birthday party for one of the stunties at a beach bar, ogling more beautiful people. I know I'm going on and on, but I honestly can't help it. What I love about the beauty here is that doesn't make you feel less attractive because everyone around you looks like a model; you actually somehow feel more attractive. I'm not sure why, but maybe its because those same gorgeous bodies and faces are looking at you the same way you're looking at them: in appreciation, with interested enthusiasm, open and ready to strike up a conversation.
This place is heaven.


Fierce in love with everything about this

 

Looking out from my future kitchen...

Looking into my future kitchen



Yup. Good-bye America...